Togetherness

I'm listening to the generator roar against the mighty back drop of the ocean waves on this, our last night in Haiti, and I’m wondering what will it be like to not have 25 Haitians out in my yard at any given point in the day?  

Honestly, a big part of me is ready for some space and solitude. Another piece of this heart is going to seriously miss the togetherness of this place. Not only are we together most of the time, we are with a community that has lived this way all their lives. Not in a contrived, scripted, planned community, but a group of people that just needs each other. 

A forced togetherness that yields a connectedness. 

You can't do life alone here, even if you try. This is a difficult land, and everyday tasks can be a challenge. You just need some help. 

Trouble is I don't want help. I really don’t want to need anyone. 

Correction: I don’t want anyone to let me down. Relying on is not my strong suit. 

My pride rears it's ugly head in the form of self reliance and while it promises to save me from pain, humiliation and disappointment, ultimately it just keeps me separated, disconnected, and alone.

With a little bit of a hardened exterior. For sure, more of a hardened heart than I'd like to admit. 

Isolation has been my go to for so long. This works pretty good in America, where I can just not answer my phone or leave the house for days and no ones knows the difference. Here? Ahhhhhh, blessed togetherness. There is just no hiding. And I'm thankful for it. Probably better for it.

God is using this blessed tool of togetherness to show me some good things. Isolation lies and togetherness leads to life. Vulnerability in the Body of Christ bears the fruit of sincerity and truth in relationships that we are all really longing for, but it takes such bravery to be vulnerable first. Truth is along both paths lie hurt and disappointment, but one path leads to life and strength and health in the Body of Christ, and the other to death, false hood and hypocrisy.

"A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgement." Proverbs 18:1

Through the blessed togetherness, God is teaching me what He values should be what I value. Transparency. Grace and truth. Acknowledgment and respect of space and boundaries, leaving room for the Spirit to work. Learning to bear each other's burdens. Depending on others. Unconditional love. Looking out for the needs and interests of others. Being filled up by the Spirit, not puffed up by ego or pride. Love like you want to be loved. Serve like you want to be served. 

It's not that these things are necessarily plentiful here, but it is the opportunity for these things that abounds.

I'm the wild card. 

Will I choose to serve others or go my own selfish way? Will I have a tenderness to sit and listen?  Will I be open and apply the truth that He can use my brokenness in the lives of others? That He can use me in spite of myself? Do I really believe that when I am weak, His power is strong in me? 

I'm learning that blessed togetherness isn't always about wanting to be with people, nor is it about always being physically together. It's more about not hiding. Not lying to yourself and those I'm sharing this wonderful, crazy life with about who I am and what's really going on in this knotted up heart of mine. 

It's about giving the acceptance and grace that I am needing. 

It’s about letting people in and trusting God will use my vulnerability.

Community doesn't save us, but what better use is His body broken for you and me than to weep and hurt and walk with one another? The broken and the bleeding. 

Togetherness is that blessed balm that when applied to our lonely hearts reminds us we don’t have to walk alone. Truth be told, I don't know what the answer is for those of us that don't live in a forced togetherness situation. But I have an inkling it begins like so many other things: Choosing it. Without conditions, expectations or agendas. Choosing blessed togetherness when I neither feel blessed nor like being together, knowing God has made us to know and be known. He has promised us He is near to the brokenhearted. No doubt He wants us to be near to one another in our brokenness. 

That is why He put us together. And He knows what He is doing.