I hate getting lost.
Being lost.
Having your GPS lead you
only to realize it doesn’t even know how to get you where you want to go. You
are lost in spite of thinking you knew where you were headed.
I hate that even
more.
How did I end up here? This wasn’t what I was planning. I don’t have time
for this. I’ve got places to be. Can’t there at least be a Starbucks on the
next corner? If I’m going to be lost, at least I can find comfort in a frothy
latte.
I’m amazed how many times I’ve been here on this dead end road that was
never on my map and found myself thinking whoa this is not where I was headed.
How on earth did I get here? How did I wind up so angry? When did this habit
become controlling? Why am I struggling with this all of the sudden? When did I
become so cynical? So pessimistic?
The answer that bubbles up in me is Life.
Life happened.
And life, I’m learning,
is chalk full of places we never dreamed we be, thanks to the disappointing
turn a relationship takes, the misunderstandings, the diagnosis, the market
crash, the depression.
The disappointments.
Managing disappointments in
life is where I get so tripped up because those darn expectations of mine have
got me headed confidently in one direction only to discover I’m traveling down
the wrong road.
One that is dark and scary and not at all what I had planned
on.
And no Starbucks in sight.
This is where confusion and frustration set in.
And I’m learning it is the birthplace of a harden heart. But I don’t want a
hard heart. I don’t want to be cynical.
I drag myself into God’s
presence because I know no matter what state my heart is in, He is listening
and that He is faithful to answer.
Honestly, I don’t even know what my prayer is but I’m thinking its
pretty much a run on sentence full of emotional, messy pleas for help, ending
up with the clear statement of I don’t want to be in this situation. I can’t
see a way through it. I don’t know where you are going with this.
I want to be
on a different path.
The one I had planned.
In due time, I hear His still,
small voice gently whisper these words of life to me:
He leads me in the paths
of righteousness for His name’s sake. Psalm 23:3.
There is a path of
righteousness I have for you here. There is a way to navigate through this
messy situation that will be for My purposes in and through you. Let me lead
you.
And then He graciously opens my eyes that perhaps my expectations were
slightly misguided and put upon things that never were going to be able to
deliver. It slowly dawns on me that the misunderstandings can be an opportunity
to develop a space for grace in my heart to learn to be more gracious with others. He shows me
that disappointments are really HIS appointments to accomplish His work in me. He gives me the understanding I need to keep on going, instead of the temporary relief from struggle I'm desiring.
I love how it says “the paths." There is a general path of
following God that every believer is called to, and then there are the specific
paths in the life of the individual where faith gets personal and my very big
God personally cares about the very small me. He wants to get all up in my
business. Every little circumstance. Every relationship. Every ache in my
heart. Every good, bad and ugly season of life. Every path I go down.
There is
a right way to navigate it. God wants to show us the way to live victoriously
for Him. He wants to lead us through the really hard things and come out whole
and holy on the other side. He wants to speak.
But the truth of the matter is I
have to let Him. He is not going to drag me kicking and screaming down
the path of righteousness. I have to yield. I have to say "Yes Lord, lead me!
Have your way! I’m listening."
I’m discovering it’s never too late to get in
step behind Him and follow in a given situation. It’s never too late to scream,
“I’m lost here! I need some directions please! Show me the way!”
It’s a
humbling discovery to make, but it’s never too late to get on the righteous
path and start following. I’m learning to pray for God to show me His path of
righteousness for the complicated places in my life, those places I’m at a
total loss on how to precede.
Since expectations can be so tricky for me, I’m
asking God to enable me to live in a place where my expectation is that He will
lead me.
“My soul, wait silently for God alone, for my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation.” Psalm 62:5
When you think about it, we
are always on a path headed somewhere. God’s path promises life, light, love
and goodness even though it winds through the high mountains and takes us
through painful valleys.
The truth is I will travel the mountain and the valley
regardless. I want to go being led by a faithful Shepherd who knows the way and
can lead me on the right paths.
I choose the path full of light and love and
abundant life please! And here’s to hoping there is a Starbucks somewhere along
the path!
