January

So it’s January. And I’m thinking…..well that came and left in a hurry.  I mean truly, my head is spinning and my heart feels a little achy remembering it. Savoring it.  But too, there are regrets, disappointments and sad lows that weigh heavy. 

January is always a mixed bag. It begs you to look back while thrusting you forward. It’s always in January I feel the truth the strongest. The truth about life.

It’s constantly changing. 

People change. Therefore, relationships are in constant flux. People move. I move. I’m currently on my sixteenth address. That’s 16 moves, people! I tuck my kids in at night to have them wake up bigger, a tad more independent of me than the day before. They are changing. Growing. Which is great, right? 

I’d like to know why it causes a little sicky feeling in my stomach then. It always has. 

Change and I haven’t always seen eye to eye. I hate that just when I seem to find my rhythm in life, here comes change, barging into the room and bossing everyone around. 

Truth be told, however, change isn’t always obnoxious and unwelcomed. Many a season I have prayed down the change from heaven because I was so ready. My soul craved new sights, new horizons and change was gonna take me there.  

It’s the persistence of it that wears me down. Every second, it is happening in the minutiae, but you only really pay attention to the big events that demand you to sit up and take notice. 

Events like January. There is something about January that slaps me around a little, awakening me to the reality that change is happening.  It all makes me feel weary.  

It’s here in this place where I turn to the Lord with my sentimental self and I sense His presence, that beloved still small voice whispering, 

I’m here too. I’m constant too. And, news flash: I govern the change.  

Change and God. 

Both are constant, but only God has the right to govern. And He is a good governor, loving and full of mercy. Even the seemingly bad changes, God promises He can and will weave them for good. God uses the change to accomplish His purpose in and through me. 

If change is His tool, shouldn’t it be my friend? 

Change can be a tricky beast as I have often discovered.  Perhaps it’s why I can dread it so. Life has a way of changing and sometimes I can’t find myself for a while. I neither recognize or like myself. 

I’m thinking this is why Paul wrote these good words to Timothy, 

“Be diligent in these matters; give yourself wholly to them, so that everyone may see your progress. Watch your life and doctrine closely. Preserve in them, because if you do, you will save both you and your hearers.” I Timothy 4:15-16, NIV 

Watch your life and doctrine closely. Why? Because things can change on a dime and if you're not careful, life can slip away from you, morphing into something you neither desire nor recognize. 

At each turn, every crossroad, each new season of life, God desires to walk with me through the change, governing and guiding my heart. He is always after relationship. 

The Message puts it this way,

“Keep a firm grasp on your character and your teaching. Don’t be diverted!” 

Change is constant diversion that requires a continual inner realignment of my soul to stay in step with the Spirit’s work in my life. Herein lies a secret to some good living, my friends: 

I can make peace with the ever-changing path beneath my feet because I’m steadfastly holding the hand of my never-changing Father. 

Because of who He is, I can. 

I can grow older and not desperately grasp at youth. 

I can grow into a mom of teenagers and then send them out into the world without falling apart because they no longer need me in the same way. 

I can keep choosing to fall in love with my husband again and again and again. 

I can seek God in every new place and season because He is already there, beckoning me to draw near and say yes to Him. 

Change is His plan. He is inviting me to participate with Him.  

Whether sweet or bitter, welcomed or resisted, planned or out of left field, change is always an invitation to growth and intimacy. 

And I'm thinking I will respond with "Okay, Lord. Let's do this!" 2015, here we come.